I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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