Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
