Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
