Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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