I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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