can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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