Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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