Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
