3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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