he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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