I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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