I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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