guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
