we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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