Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
