I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
