No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
