I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
