i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
