Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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