Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Everclear isn't food dammit
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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