My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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