on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
