My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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