I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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