swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
