Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
