I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
