Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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