Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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