found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
