were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
