God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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