i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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