There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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