i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
