im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
