in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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