she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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