Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
