I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
