I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
