Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
