We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
