Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
did you just send me my own nude
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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