The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My vagina is very pro this idea
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
