I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
