Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
