I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
