I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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