It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
