i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
