A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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